Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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