I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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