we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
third nipple confirmed
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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