had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize