i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
