all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
