Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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