Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
