I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
