I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
