if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
