I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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