Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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