it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
