i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Randomize
