PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We had to coat check the pizza.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
