i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
