I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
