Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
