Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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