I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
