Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
