Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
