my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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