My Higher Power is John Stamos
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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