I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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