how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
