I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
