Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
