So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
