my mouth tastes like poor choices
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
