Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I need water and some morals
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