I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
