When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
