singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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