what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
