If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
