If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
