my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
