my mouth tastes like poor choices
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
