Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
