had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
