Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
