A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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