Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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