I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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