Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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