Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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