you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
