and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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