2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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