I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
