You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize