I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
