Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
