There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
this boner is exhausting
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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