Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize