Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
