dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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