he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
