I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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