dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
