You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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