My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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