There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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