I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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