It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
