Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
