I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
