I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
