guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
