I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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