ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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