Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Is it because I queefed?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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