and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize